let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
