Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
