how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
