I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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