I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
