I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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