We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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