I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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