thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
