I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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