Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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