hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
