apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
