the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize