Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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