No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
