If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
