I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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