Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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