just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
