i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
