All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
