Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
