your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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