you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
