either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize