she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
