...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize