did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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