TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
