We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
