I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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