Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
