ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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