Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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