Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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