Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
