JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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