dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
