I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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