I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
