I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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