It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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