I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
