I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my nose is crying tears of wow.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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