I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
