i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
someone owes me an orgasm
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize