bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
