If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
