Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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