Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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