I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You pole danced in your parka.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
