she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
