sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
