we have pet lesbian snakes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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