when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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