O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
