idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
