My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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