dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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