The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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