I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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