you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
