My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
