guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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