1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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