i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
