This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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